Jokes

If TKD students ruled the world...

After every tournament, the competitors would get a chance to spar with the referees.
There would be 365 different belt colours, so you could get promoted just for coming to a class.
Only sports that can be done barefoot would be allowed on TV.
Brazilian Jiu-jitsu students would all develop a painful rash on their backs so they would have to fight standing up.
Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
A referee's vocabulary would be limited to "Sejak!" and "Winner!".
Doboks would be acceptable business attire and everyone would have to wear them.
The old instructors would become 40 years younger so you could really see how good they really were.
Your opponents would always weigh less than your little sister.

A TKD student, his instructor, and the instructor's master were all about to be executed by firing squad. They had heard that the executioner's were scared of natural objects. On the day the student was placed in front of the firing squad. At the last moment, she yelled out "WATER!" and they all ran away. The next day the instructor was brought before the firing squad but he yelled out "WIND!" and they all ran away again. The next day it was the master's turn. Knowing that it had worked for the other two, he yelled "FIRE!" ...and they shot him.

Three Taekwon-do students, a black belt, a blue belt, and a white belt were touring Korea when they saved a wise old monk from a fire. To thank them, the monk gave each one wish. The black belt said, "I want to be home and rich beyond my dreams." "Wish granted!" said the monk the woman disappeared. The blue belt says, "I want to be home and married to the most beautiful woman in the world!" "Wish granted!" said the monk the man disappeared. Now the white belt begins to feel lonely so he makes his wish. "I wish my friends were back with me!". "Wish granted!" said the monk.

Laws of TKD...

The wimp who made it through the elimination bouts on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
The referee will always be looking the other way when you score
The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the instructor will be sick.
The instructor will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
If you have to use your training in self-defence, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
After years of training without a injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt testing.
After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
No matter how many times you take care of it before your division is called at a tournament, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when your name is called.

A red belt was attending a Taekwon-do camp at which he was to test for black belt. One evening a heavy storm blew up and everyone ran to the nearest cabin. The red belt ended up in a cabin with the grand master. The storm continued into the night so the two decided to sleep through the storm. During the late night, the master shook the red belt awake and said, "Look up and tell me what you see." The red belt said, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what do you deduce from that?" asked the master. Suspecting this was a part of his black belt test, the red belt answered, "Well, astronomically, it tells me there are millions and millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astronomically, I see that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is about a quarter past three. Theologically, I see that God is all powerful and that we are an insignificant part of the universe. Meteorologically, I can see that the storm is over." Then, feeling confident, the red belt asks, "What does it tell you master?" The master replied, "You idiot, it tells me that the storm blew the roof off the cabin!"

What are the three biggest lies told in Taekwon-do?

I haven't worked out in a while.
Let's just spar light.
Oops. I'm sorry.

"Your kicks are like lightening bolts!" exclaimed the master. "You mean because they're so fast and powerful?" asked the red belt. "No!" said the master, "because they never strike twice in the same place."

Tommy's dad brought him to his first Taekwon-do tournament. Noticing that the organizers seemed a little shorthanded, he approached the officials table. "Good morning," he said to the director. "You seem to be a little shorthanded. Is there anything I can do to help?" "Do you know anything about Taekwon-do sparring?," asked the director. "Sorry," Tommy's dad said, "I don't know anything about sparring." "Great!" said the director. "We need another referee."

After a frustrating class, the instructor yelled, "All right! All you dummies are dismissed!" As the rest of the students walked away, one remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with the student, raising just a single eyebrow. The students smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, Sir?"

You know you have been training too long in TKD when...

You say to the salesman in a clothing store, "Nice trousers, but I don't think I can kick in them."
Say "I'm sorry" and involuntarily bow.
Side kick a malfunctioning cold drink machine.
Ensure the left side of your bathrobe folds over the right side and the belt is in a square knot.
Use kicks to turn lights on and off.
Cannot walk by anyone from your school without casually exchanging a flurry of mock strikes and kicks.
Leap to your feet and kick while watching "Kung Fu," "Walker, Texas Ranger," and "Highlander" at home.
Never stand with your arms crossed or with your hands in your pockets.
Try to back fist the correct floor button on the inside of the elevator, based on your memory of the button's location, before you get in far enough to see it.
Have the urge to bow every time you enter or leave a room.
Accidentally call teachers "sabum."
Have occasional delusions of sparring adequacy.
Find yourself practicing stances while standing in line.

After being warned for excessive contact while sparring in class, a visiting student replied, "I don't have this problem when I sparred at my school." The instructor replied, "When you train at your school, we don't have this problem either."

One night during a Taekwon-do class, a student did not properly answer up to the instructor, so the instructor slapped the student. Everyone in the class gasped. Then the instructor slapped a student standing next to the first student and said "There I granted your wish!" The student asked "Why did you do that?" The instructor replied " Because, I know that after class you were going to say to someone 'I wish he had tried that with me!'"

A yellow, red and black belt all die and go to heaven. As they walked around they noticed there were small golden ducks everywhere. It was almost impossible to avoid stepping on one. Of course, the yellow belt was the first to step on a duck. Immediately St. Peter shows up with one the fattest, ugliest, dumbest women any of the students had ever seen. St. Peter chains the woman to the yellow belt and says "Your punishment is to be chained to this ugliest of women for eternity."

The next day the red belt stepped on a golden duck. Immediately St. Peter chained him to a huge, ugly woman. The wise black belt is extremely careful and goes months without stepping on a duck. Then one day St. Peter walked up with a blond, blue-eyed, young, sexy, gorgeous woman and chains her to the black belt and leaves without saying a word. The black belt thinks he is the luckiest man in Heaven and remarks "I wonder what I did to deserve this?" The woman replied " I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Illustration by Bud Burgy